The announcement that they were expecting was adorable. The added twist in saying that they were expecting twins made it even more delightful, for it is not every day that the Facebook algorithm brings up a “We’re expecting twins” announcement! I’m truly happy for the couple who now has two precious little girls in their family!
But along with the joy in my heart came a twinge of sadness, for I couldn’t help but think back to the time when we were also expecting twins. The thrill of finding out we were expecting was only heightened by the discovery that there were two! For close to twelve weeks, I carried our two little treasures, created in God’s image and precious in His sight.
But then mysteriously, there was no more growth; there was no more life. God had taken our twins from us.
Rejoicing with each other
In these bittersweet moments of genuine joy tarnished by aching sadness, Scripture’s words echo in my mind: “Rejoice with them that do rejoice…” (Rom. 12:15). It is amazing how God knows our tendencies to think only of ourselves. It is even more wonderful how He deals with that problem by providing a specific remedy for it: He has commanded us to rejoice with others! As hard as it can sometimes be, rejoicing with each other is a very tangible way of taking our eyes off of ourselves and focusing on the other person. It is so hard, but we must do it: rejoice with those who rejoice.
The struggle to rejoice with others was, oh so hard those first few years after our miscarriage. There were the newborns everyone oooh-ed and ahhh-ed over, the pregnancy announcements, the couple who seemed to be able to have kids without even trying, the couple who didn’t want to get pregnant but did, the baby showers. The tears often flowed freely…mostly at home, once I was finally was away from inquisitive looks. However, sometimes the hot tears came in public, unbidden, revealing my struggle to rejoice with those around me.
Each of these baby-related situations felt like a knife being jabbed deep into my aching heart, for they reminded me that my arms were empty when they should have been full. However, even in the midst of the pain, I also had the opportunity to rejoice with those around me.
As we walk alongside each other as sisters in Christ, we have the opportunity to walk with each other in the joyful times. Many times, this requires us to find genuine joy in each other’s rejoicing, despite our own sorrows that threaten to hold us back.
Weeping with each other
But we all know that life isn’t just about rejoicing–there are both happy times and there are sad times. And so I must mention the second part of Romans 12:15. Many of you probably have already finished it in your mind: “…and weep with them that weep.”
Weeping has the idea of the intense shedding of literal, physical tears. In this context, it is done on behalf of another because of the sorrow they are going through.
Walking with each other as sisters in Christ means coming alongside each other not only in the joyful times, but also in the difficult times–those times when nothing in life seems to make human sense, when our hearts cannot help but cry out “Why, Lord?”, when we walk through a valley and we emerge from it forever marked by that time spent in the valley. Sometimes the most significant encouragement and comfort is found in knowing that we’re not alone as we grieve.
And so we are commanded to weep with each other.
Giving the gift
I’ve been on the receiving end of both of these commands: when we were first expecting our twins, I know there were those who rejoiced with us, despite their own sorrows that I know they had; I also know there were those who came alongside us and wept with us as we walked through the darkest days of our miscarriage.
By God’s grace, I am slowly learning what it means to also be on the giving end of this command: to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.
I am reminded of the passage in Philippians 2 where we are called to think of others before ourselves, being motivated by Christ’s example of selfless and humble love. Rejoicing and weeping with each other often demands such an attitude of sacrificial love, for we tend to think that life revolves around us and what we are going through. If we allow ourselves to get caught up in our own needs, we will fail to see the needs of those around us. But we are called to step out and show love to the other person; we are called to come alongside each other–no matter what life’s circumstance may be–and walk together in it by rejoicing and weeping with each other.
Perhaps God has called you to walk down this road of infant loss or miscarriage. May He enable you to find true joy in how He has blessed others, despite your loss; may He also bring along those who will freely offer the gift of weeping with you.
Or perhaps you’re on the sidelines, watching a family member or friend go through the grief of experiencing an infant loss or miscarriage. Please take intentional steps to come alongside them and to “weep with them that weep.”
God has not called us to rejoice in His blessings all by ourselves; neither has He called us to walk through the deep valleys of life all alone. As sisters in Christ, we have the incredible privilege of extending the gift of coming alongside each other to rejoice and to weep with each other. By His grace, may we learn to do so freely and generously.
This post was originally posted on Angie’s private blog, In the Meantime.